my blog/journal
my blog/journal
hi blog!!!!!!! i got bored so i figured i would write out some thoughts here... i've just come back to school after thanksgiving break and Oh Man... oh man..... i don't want to do like, any of my work...and especially not math (the class i'm in right now). it's a bunch of review stuff that i don't have the energy to figure out. but i guess at the very least the assignment will still be there for me to do later if i feel like it? but honestly i don't think i'll want to :p at the very least today i wrote an essay for english and turned it in on time (by the end of the period). for music class we had a sub so i just messed around on onlinesequencer. it was kinda fun..! but recently i haven't been able to settle on an idea that i'm happy with enough to make it a full song. either that or i get stuck because i don't know how to structure instrumental music ;'-(
anyways, apparently tomorrow we have some testing to do. i wish it continued past lunch because i REALLY don't want to go to theatre... oh well! i'm switching out of that class once the semester ends because i just Can't Take It... the teacher isn't a bad teacher, but it just doesn't work for me. every day that i have that class i wake up stressed because of it :-( also, i definitely noticed this before, but it is Crazy how much school affects my mental health. i was having an amazing day yesterday on sunday, but now that i'm back in school i feel awful and stressed T_T
actually, it's either that or i just stayed up too late last night. i was up until 4am... originally i was just gonna talk to my friends for a bit, watch an episode of arcane, and then go to sleep at midnight (for 7 hours of sleep), but i got super distracted because my girlfriend was asking ppl to draw in their strawpage so i was like "Hey! Why don't i take a little bit to draw something cool for them!" ...and then before i knew it 12:40 became 3:40 and THEN!!! AND THEN!!! i got distracted for another 40 minutes watching slime videos on one of those sensory hourly accounts ToT i also got a song stuck in my head (such great heights - the postal service), so i listened to that for a few final minutes before i actually became aware of the time and decided to go to sleep. cause like, 3 hours of sleep are better than none. i guess.
my next class that i have is history.. just 10 minutes until i leave for that. i've been doing pretty great in that class, probably the best out of any of mine. i've always really liked learning about history, whether it be human history, geography, or ESPECIALLY the far off era of when now-extinct animals ruled the planet. :-3 i've wondered for a while what i want to do for a job, and honestly i wish i could do something with paleontology. i've been obsessed with that sorta stuff since forever, but it feels like it's just kind of.. like a distant dream, i guess? it fascinates me to no end, but at the same time i feel too stupid to even consider trying to go for it. i don't even know what kind of jobs are available, and even if i did find a good one, i would probably be away from home for long periods of time 3-: and that's kinda a deal-breaker considering the kind of life i'm hoping for in the future. i can't really decide if the uncomfortble-ness of being so far away from everything that's familiar would be a good trade for following one of my biggest dreams... and the feeling stupid part? i don't have.. high academic expectations for myself. i know i can do better than i have been lately, but it's just so harddd......... i don't have the kind of resolve for that. i'll probably just end up flipping burgers lmao
anyways, alg 2 class is coming to an end now! so i'll be right back to continue writing any thoughts that pop up in my mind!
...and i'm back! exactly 10 minutes later... but it's not like you reading this would know that >:-3 you don't even have to wait... it's on-demand!!!!!! anyways, MAN the weather is weird. it's DECEMBER. and it's 67 degrees outside. in fact, it's only been getting warmer throughout the day!? i checked it at lunch and it said 63 degrees. i was thinking about that while walking here to history. it reminded of something i saw on twitter a while ago. someone talking about how they are a teacher, and one day they overheard their young students talking about the seasons. one of the little kids described autumn as being when it gets cold and then hot and then cold again, and the teacher person then commmented in the thread on how they had never thought about this sort of thing before. our autumn is not the same as their autumn anymore. it makes me worried.. and also pretty sad 3-: we're all going to have to adjust to these weird new...happenings.
i'm kind of running out of thoughts now. >_> i think i might call axo later... it's been a while lol. usually i ask her first if she wants to, but i miss her so i'm just gonna do it anyway lol TwT errrmmm anyways i might edit this later if i think of some more stuff to rant about. these usually end up being pretty long!! i'm expecting a big text wall from myself later >:-3 ok, bye for now maybe!!!
hey blog!! it's been.. quite a bit, actually! i skipped a whole month...woah... but anyways, i figured december 1st would be a good time for an update. feels right, at least.
honestly, it's not that the past month has been bad, it was just... boring. i didn't have anything interesting that i wanted to talk about. but now i do! i'm now helping to solve another arg (made by my friend), my aunt has me decorating for christmas since my younger cousins are coming over this year, and i've been getting back into doing art :-3
i just took like an hour long break to do other stuff (unfollow spree on twitter and also the dishes), oops. anyways, the arg i'm helping to solve now is actually really cool but i haven't given it a complete look just yet because i said i was going to do that after i finished updating this here blog! and then i got distracted! agh! anyways, i'm very excited for this. i've been missing that sort of activity after the alea bailey arg ended... and my server felt a little boring and empty without something like that. after all, that's why it was made in the first place! almost 200 people there to see how one of the coolest args ever was going to go down... and then it ended and i rebranded the server to be my own. lol
anyways, christmas decorating!!! seems like it wouldn't be a very big thing to point out, but it is to me... my family didn't decorate for halloween, and we didn't even eat together on thanksgiving, so that's why i'm so excited about this. although, my aunt is only doing it for my cousins, since they're all pretty young... fun nonetheless! :-) gonna go back and then forward again; in may of last year we lost all of our christmas ornaments in a fire and we had to go buy entirely new ones when the holidays rolled around. my aunt says she likes to bring me shopping instead of my uncle because i'll actually give her second opinions on stuff. but this time she brought me along for the first opinion, because i was the one choosing all the ornaments!!! we spent like 5 hours going store to store checking out the christmas sections. i decided we were gonna get a bunch of felted animal ornaments.. and i think that was an awesome decision because look at this photo i took of our tree this year. look. skiing squirrel. what the fuck. it's amazing.
and the third thing! getting back into art! i'm a little shocked at this, but i don't feel any stress at all towards making art anymore! it's like i'm back in 2022 rushing through as many commissions as i could lol... i'm finally free from my burnout!!! so now i get to finish my new acaciamask ref sheet, and flare's commission. here's some wip photos :3c
by the way, i'm not sure if i'm gonna keep doing this or not (i probably will), but i hope you are enjoying that i am adding photos now! it is surely going to run my storage dry, but at least i get to document more stuff!! anyways before i say that's all, i just want to say... 128 days until one of the coolest days ever happens. okay NOW that's all! bye bloggggg!!!!!!!!!
i don't think i've ever felt this way before : }
i feel like my heart is going to burst. in a good way
something is stressing me out!!!! and i don't know what it is!!!! maybe it's because i'm not getting enough sleep or i'm staying on the computer for too long or i'm dreading school starting up again......i just don't know :(((((((((((((
i've been losing interest in doing things and every time i eat food i feel sick afterwards. also at the end of every day i get this specific feeling that i can't put into words, but it feels like when you eat too much sugar, also like there's a weight in my chest that's dragging me to the floor. there is also another feeling i get where my heart starts beating really fast and it feels like my head is spinning and like every cell in my body is shaking. after i get it i usually. fall completely limp. for some reason.
i should start reading again. i have 6 books that i haven't read; 4 of them i haven't started at all (2 skyborn books, wind, and ivypool's heart), 1 of them i have started but i'm struggling to read it despite it being a children's book (the girl who circumnavigated fairyland in a ship of her own making), and the last one i also started but i need to finish reading dawn of the clans before i can continue so i don't get spoiled (riverstar's home). actually, for the warriors books i haven't started... i need to reread thunder so i can read wind, and then once i've done that i can finally read ivypool's heart. kinda confusing lol. i wish i had a bigger room so i could have a bookshelf. i keep all of my books in one shelf in my closet, but i'm running out of space in there! there's 3 rows of books with about 15 in each row + some extras in the front that make a fourth row, and 3 dictionaries that lie on top of the books in the back. thinking now... i need to see if i can complete my warriors collection. i'm missing a lot of them. like...
hi! it's really been a long time now lol... 16 days since my last update! honestly not much has happened (at least that i remember) since then, so i don't really know if i have anything to say? i just wanted to write something in here i guess. yesterday night i cleaned out 3 of the shelves in my closet, but i still have 3 more to clean. i still had textbooks from 5th grade in there @_@;
anyway, i saw the wild robot movie with my friend in theatres. it was REALLY GOOD. like really really good...i almost cried multiple times. i think it's my favorite movie now. speaking of that, i should probably start making my media reviews page, but... i don't know if i have anything to talk about in there either.
okay bye now lol
hi blog!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i like exclamation points..... honestly things have been going really well since i last wrote here!! my aunt took me shopping and since there were really good deals. i got 2 sets of earrings, 3 shirts, and 5 pins (but one of them is for robin, and one of them i stole 🤫 🤫 🤫 it was a lesbian flag pin and i was too scared to ask to buy it), a sanrio water bottle, and pizza & taro boba tea to end tha day!!! ^__^ and then i had school today but nothing super interesting happened. cas and their friend and i watched but i'm a cheerleader at lunch, and since fall started we're gonna watch OTGW once we're done!!
i'm listening to i can't decide - scissor sisters right now,.... i keep procrastinating on writing this because there's conversations happening in discord lol. anyway i didn't have a lot of homework so i just did like. nothing. i doomscrolled ðŸ˜ðŸ˜ðŸ˜ but it's ok because i made up for it by listening to a morbid episode (episode 314 the disappearance of dorothy arnold part 1) and drawing susie from deltarune!! i had macncheese and chicken nuggets for dinner also. ngl i'm craving the macncheese right now...darn...
music related news! my teacher gave me a cable to keep, so i set up my keyboard to work as a midi in waveform. also i finished the song i've been working on yayyyy!!! i didn't really know what to name it so i just stole something from UTY and tacked on a word at the end (pinkstone daze) (i changed it just now from pinkstone haze to pinkstone daze). the oc i'm making for the song...i don't really know what to do with her but i don't think it's that bad of a concept!! it's supposed to be like a secret fight in the mines, and while i didn't put any leitmotifs in there, i don't think it's half bad for what i did. it's a staaarrrtttt!
i was talking with robin about animals tonight and i am in a strange mood. thinking about extinct animals and endangered animals and animals i've never heard of and animals everyone's heard of. animals are cool. also, i want to eat animal crackers.
i've been saying "okie dokie" a lot recently. i think i got it from robin!
earlier, i was thinking about how much i like debating. i don't like arguing, so the concept of a debate is kind of scary at first, but... it's a civilized conversation so maybe it isn't so bad! like, it's cool, honestly. you get to tell someone the facts and absolutely Destroy Them! Get rekt loser! Wow! also it's a good exercise for our minds, and you get to psychoanalyze people, especially what makes someone charismatic. you get to do a mini study about the flow of information, both factual and misinfo. plus it's always a good feeling when you win win, and you change someone's mind to believe what you believe. if i had someone who was up for it, i would totally wanna do friendly debates with them. like "what is the best ice cream flavor?" or "what is the coolest game?" :-) i just think it would be cool.
i know i'm gonna wake up super duper tired tomorrow but it's ok i am having fun right now yayyaya! 3 days ago, when i wrote the last entry here, i came across a really profound quote. i just wanna share it:
"the ocean was filled with ancient intelligent souls and we carved them up for their organs and we filled the seas with so much violence and noise that they can no longer hear each other's voices. this is a cosmic horror story and we are the incomprehensible terror from beyond."
i have so many medias to cross off my media list... i have no idea where to start because i just keep adding to it. like there is SO many on there. i guess it's just intimidating because i don't know where to start. i think i'm gonna try to cross off the movies first, while also trying to watch episodes of one series until i finish it. i think i'm gonna watch rebellion tonight, or maybe blood tea and red string? that's a stop motion film, it looks really cool. i could also rewatch pan's labyrinth but it's nighttime so i'd rather not lol. i like movies. if i do start watching one i am going to need to get snacks... okay, i'm gonna get some snacks then and start blood tea and red string!! hooray!! plans!!
bye now :)
edit: i better start writing my media reviews page because WOAH! i really like the movie. also i ate cheese & crackers. it was great.
hey blog :))))) it has once again been a little bit, but like, an even longer bit because the first time was 3 days and now it's been 5 days. cool things happening lately!!! not only is fall break real soon, but also it's my girlfriends' birthdays soon (25th and 27th) :DDD YAY :DDD i'm drawing something for both of them, and then i'm gonna finally stop procrastinating and make that necklace i was gonna make robin. it's definitely gonna be a late present though... but i'm sure it will be fiiiinnneeeee \(,.m.,)_
also today i checked my gpa and my grades in school...for the first time ever i might be becoming an A student!?!? instead of an AB student!?!?!? my lowest grade is a 90!! and my gpa is 3.6!!! i want to try and get it higher though, like maybe to 3.9 where a few of my friends have theirs, but i don't know how :p my english teacher pulled me aside in the first or second week of school and told me that "i was too smart for that class" and asked why i wasn't in pre AP... honestly doing pre AP english has been on my mind for a while, but i'm scared of getting behind on the work and bringing my gpa down rather than bringing it up like i want to. i also don't want to sacrifice the free time that i have right now, because once i get a job n stuff i won't have a lot of that!!!
uhh what else... i've had wonderwall by oasis stuck in my head all day but i think that's fine because it's a really great song. also i have decided to start a list of words again, because i keep finding new cool ones but then i forget them!! if i feel like it, i might also include some etymology and definitions and examples... one of the words will definitely be crinoid. i love crinoids, they look so weird because they look like plants but then they start moving around n stuff and it looks all freaky. i wanna see a crinoid in real life... they are also called sea lilies!! i remember when i first found out about the existence of crinoids; i was looking through tweets about fossils and somebody posted an image of a fossil that had these little star-shaped things embedded in it, and they wondered what they were and everybody replied "crinoid fossils." i never heard of crinoids before so i thought it was something prehistoric but they are alive today in the oceans!!!
i love learning about the ocean in general. and the land too. seeing the way the world has been shaped through countless generations of strange creatures and previously unknown scientific processes is just... mindblowing to me. earth might have had a ring in the ordovician period?? WHAT??? imagine if we still lived with a ring in the modern day, that would be SO COOL!!!!!! i wish i could become a human encyclopedia on that stuff but i forget things too easily. i wonder what it would be like to have a job dealing with that stuff :o i don't know if i would love it or hate it! i think i am just adverse to the idea of jobs, and i worry a lot that if i make a hobby my job then it feel too much like a responsibility and then it wouldn't be fun to do my hobby anymore, but idk! maybe working in a scientific field about something that has interested me for years isn't a bad idea? there's so much to learn and i think i would like. DIE if my name was ever accredited to a major discovery. i would get mentioned in some huge book that only a few people like, and then they'll talk about me 50 years from whenever about how strange and interesting i was... hehehehh >:)
actually, that makes me wonder... i don't like losing track of things, especially since i do that so often, and i love organizing and categorizing things, so it makes sense that i've created a website for archival purposes. actually, the #1 reason i created this website was exactly for that! it started with the alea bailey arg re-sparking an interest i had in coding, and also showing me a spot where i could host a website for free. and then i decided that i wanted to start keeping an online journal and archiving my art. plus, i already knew a few websites where i could get design asset stuff from, since artfight had just started and i wanted to decorate my profile for the first year i would be participating in. i used to keep a physical journal but my aunt and uncle would read it and tease me, so even though there is no way i could get them to not read everything on my site if they find it, i don't think they know enough about neocities to get here in the first place.
i wish it would rain here...being in the desert is nice when you can appreciate the secret abundance of it, but when it comes to the heat and lack of rain (especially for a pluviophile like me! that means rain lover in case you didn't know), it's like i'm living in HELL!!!!!! monsoon season is in late summer, so now that we're only 1 day away from the fall equinox, the time for rain has like totally passed us!!!! it was 70 degrees and cloudy this morning and it never progressed past "partly cloudy." in FACT. the temperature actually went to like 90 degrees!
that reminds me of a thing that happened today. apparently my school bus got changed to a different one, but they didn't announce it to us so when i walked to the place where all the buses park to let kids on i looked for my normal bus but didn't find it. so i looked for a bus that had a sheet of paper in the front or side windows that had my bus number on it, but there wasn't one. so i sit down and i wait, because at this point i'm figuring that it must be the substitute bus driver we had the previous day who had come very late. finally, at like 4:40 that bus comes but he tells us (me and 2 other kids) that our bus was still coming so we wait even longer...and eventually he tells us that the bus we were supposed to get onto already left, but since it's just us 3 he can take us home. and i was SOOO UPSET!!!!!!! because it was 4:50 at that point!! and they never told us where to go!!
ok anyway, 2 more things (i think) before i go! i've been working on this battle theme song thingy that doesn't have a name yet, but it's inspired by protocol from undertale yellow and i'm also designing a character to go along with the music! only problem is, while i have a basic design (colors, species, a concept drawing, weapons, and a personality) i don't have any clue where i could put her into the story!! i would think it would be somewhere in either snowdin or the dunes because i'm using a music box instrument, but also the clavinets. i'm leaning more towards snowdin though. anyway the song is nearing completion! all i need to do is copy and paste all the notes+markers and then add an ending that will loop at least semi-decently with the beginning. it's kind of similar to starlo's fight theme (showdown) because the beginning begins with sfx/drums rather than actual music. showdown starts with a whip crack, and my song starts with the clavinets. also that's not the full thing!! because i need to remake it in waveform with better instruments now that my music teacher gave me a midi plug for my keyboard. i hope i can also start to make better songs at home too (without having to "sketch" it out in OS first)!
and #2, my uncle has been away for a while because he flew someplace for personal stuff, and things at the house have been so much more peaceful... i wonder if my aunt is really like the main problem in my life here. honestly, i feel like as long as i stay respectful and responsible then i'm fine! and there's no reason why i wouldn't be respectful if there's no conflicts between us. i noticed this once before as well, my aunt and i flew to see my cousins and everything felt so calm and happy while we were gone, but as soon as we came back it felt as if there was a physical shadow coming over both of us again. kinda sucked.
alrighty, i think that's everything i wanted to share? until next time..........farewell..........goodbye..................
hi blog! been a little bit, but not really lol. over the past few days there hasn't been much happening tbh... my aunt finally decided to bring me to some lady to sign me up for therapy and to see if i was eligible for a test for inattentive ADHD. it kinda sucked because i literally cannot talk about my feelings without bursting into tears, especially not with my aunt sitting directly across from me!! it was for the best though, because not only did the lady encourage me to get tested for it, but also she suggested that i might be "high functioning on the autism spectrum" WHICH I TOLD MY AUNT BEFORE BUT SHE DIDN'T LISTEN TO MEEEE!!!! (when i told her she said i didn't have autism and compared me to my baby cousin who is a BOY and likes playing with microwaves and watching videos of garbage trucks)... although... even though the lady had suggested it my aunt's behaviour hasn't changed a whole lot :p
then! something personal happened! and i cried a lot in that moment i could barely breathe! so my aunt took me with her to a restaurant and i chugged an entire water bottle in less than 2 minutes to catch my breath and calm down. i also finished 2/3 of my library books (it was REALLY good——dress codes for small towns by courtney stevens. i might talk about it in my media reviews page later.) i had this pizza at the restaurant and Oh my god. It was so good. I died. It was delicious. I think it was the best pizza i ever tasted in my life. i also had root beer in a bottle, and i think some of the adults sitting around our table might have thought i was given Actual alcohol lolll.
anyway, the next day (yesterday) all the adults went somewhere so i was home (virtually) alone. i just decided to play regretevator, and i did some of my laundry... then they called and told me i should get ready to go because i had asked if we could go to barnes & noble to get me new warrior cats books so i wore my invader zim shirt, black sweatpants, belt with 2 rows of holes, and the only chain i have in my drawer that isn't broken. i got wind, riverstar's home, and ivypool's heart, and the total was like 60 DOLLARS!!! WHAT!!! i mean i got all hardcovers so i guess a higher price makes sense BUT NOT 20-30 PER BOOK WHATTTT... i had to pay my uncle back 50 dollars for buying them, but i'm fine with that because i had 50 exactly extra outside of my lunch-money-saving. so far i'm at chapter 9 of riverstar's home, and HE'S JUST LIKE MEEE FOR REALLL... we both believe everybody should be nice to each other and that everybody is inherently good until proven otherwise! 😊😊 actually, i was going to read wind, but i don't remember what happened in thunder (or really the rest of ASC). also i don't know when ivypools's heart takes place so i didn't want to get potentially spoiled on anything. so even though i've only read to thunder rising in DoTC, i'm reading riverstar's book!! eventually i'll do a full reread of the books so i can remember what's happening but not right now!!
yesterday the list of websites i had been saving got deleted AGAIN which is so annoying and i have no idea how it keeps happening, so i think i might update my fun sites page just so i won't lose them again. or maybe i'll act as bonnie the elephant seal for a bit?? or fill up my art archive...idk...but i like the thought that there are a lot of things for me to choose from to do! i also have chores to do today but it's only 8 so i have like 2 hours before i have to start them. ok bye now!!! i think i've said all i want to :-3
hellooo!! it's 9/11 today and the teacher put on a documentary of it on her tv thing but it's too sad for me to even watch so i'm just updating my site and stuff and listening to D.A.A.N.A.C.C.E. by em essex/lapfox trax or whatever.
okay anyway, i feel like sometimes i like people so much that i just want to stop talking to them?? it sounds really backwards but it's because i get so overwhelmed by that feeling that i feel like i need run away and take a break. tbh there's only 3 people who i really stay online for, if it weren't for them i would probably be Touching Grass and reading all the time lolll... i know i technically don't owe it to anyone to be available all the time because that was never how it used to be before cell phones and social media but i still feel like i have to sometimes :p also i know they were just cards but i got a tarot reading on roblox (of all places, i know), and the person literally said that i'll probably "hermit in on myself" like Ok. don't call me out man. it's not like i want that to happen though lol i've been doing so good and i don't want to go back to when i wasn't
tbh i think i'm just very overwhelmed in general... i've been noticing recently that the only reason i keep doing things is because i have to. like i have to keep living, i have to keep doing my work, i have to keep talking to people. i can't just stop because then i'll get left behind! there's never any breaks, and it's only going to get worse i think :p
i also feel like i overwhelm others too. as long as i can remember i've had a little rule that i'll be as offputting as possible upon first meeting and if that person can handle the weirdest they can get to know the more chill version of me, but i think there's not a lot of people who really appreciate that... most of my friends in the past either barely wanted anything to do with me, used me to cheat on their work because i was always "the smart one", made fun of me behind my back, or even did all three. it makes me really sad to think about that because i liked all of my friends for their weirdness, why weren't they doing the same for me? how could you dislike someone just for not knowing how to be "normal"? even the people who have stuck around, i still worry that none of them really like me :p EVEN MY GIRLFRIENDS i'm scared of them too and i hate that i am because i really shouldn't be and it just makes me even sadder thinking that i could possibly mistrust them. :-(
i'm really worried about the future too. i feel like if i mess up anything right now i'll be living on the streets or something. and it feels like most adults in my life are just...against me? my aunt doesn't think i'm responsible enough to get a job or to get even driver's ed. like not even a car, she doesn't think i'm responsible enough to just go to some place to learn on paper about driving. my uncle seems like he's getting more paranoid by the day and that doesn't help my own paranoia... i just wanna be like a normal person bro ðŸ˜
...on a brighter? note... it's a half day today so i'm going home at 12 (also now listening to all of flowey's neutral themes from UTY hehehe). i wish i could buy something for lunch like a slushy but i've decided i'm going to be saving up all my lunch allowance money. i get 20 dollars every monday so if i do that, that means i should have 600-700 dollars provided i only spend a little on the school cafeteria. that's something that i hate actually, i don't like that school lunches aren't free anymore :-( what about the people who can't pay for them?? are they just supposed to starve for like half the day?? it's dumb :p
i have homework to do for algebra 2 and chemistry, and a piano lesson too so i'm not sure if i'll have time today to do anything fun...i hope i do!! i would continue trying to draw something for the rwc fall icon contest, but all the other submissions look better than anything i could make in 10 days. i think it's kind of sad that i used to think drawing was fun but now i have a lot of doubt in my skills. i want to have a lot of different styles but the more i get into one style the less i can do the others?? if i try to draw humans, suddenly i can't draw cats. if i draw realistic, suddenly i can't draw cartoony. etc, etc. I DON'T GET IT!!! it's not even that i'm not trying to practice the styles i'm losing! i just suddenly can't draw them! for no reason! i try to use references, get inspiration on pinterest, listen to music, but NOTHING WORKS!!!!! it's like i have no control over my hands or my brain :/
that's all i can think of writing right now, but later i'll probably make an edit to this since it's only the morning now and not a lot has happened.
okay here's the edit!! it's currently 7 pm. i felt really tired and just sluggish during school, and i stood outside in the heat in my sweater while waiting for the bus driver to start letting people on... the bus ride was fine though. when i got home i emailed some teachers to ask them about my assignments, but i stalled on doing any math work. my piano lesson felt pretty terrible too, tbh... i chose a really hard song (a mother's love from UTY) and i am really bad at doing it. i just don't really......want to practice.....any of my songs.....at all...... i complained about it on my dpriv..... anyway, now my aunt is home and i had pizza rolls for dinner and i'm gonna start doing some of the math work i haven't done. bye
hi again!!! i decided to start putting times in these just to make it look more blog-y. you also get to see how long it takes me to stop getting distracted and to actually write stuff!! like, i actually had a sort-of plan for this one, but i got distracted for like 40 minutes...well whoever is reading this wouldn't know that lol!!! it's just text readily available on a page for you.
anyway, what i was gonna talk about was...
just finished writing down my dream in my dream diary!!! i'm a little sad that i keep having dreams but i can't remember them. of course there's always the saying that if something was really important, it wouldn't have slipped your mind, but i can't quite say that applies to me lol. i am very forgetful, which my aunt likes to remind me of a lot
anyway!!! some awesome crazy news!!! first of all, AXO IS BACK FROM THEIR BREAK YESTERDAYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!! YEAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! in case you couldn't tell, overjoyed by this news!!!!! i have even picked up some of their mannerisms once more, which i'm pretty happy about :3
ALSO inanimate insanity e16 came out TODAY! which was a phenomenol episode with so much foreshadowing in the ones that came before it it's kind of crazy! i have a lot to say about it.....even updating my about me page to say it's my current hyperfixation... like the names of the "objectmade" vs "natural" characters, bot's role in everything, the physical state of the contestants, box, mephone and cobs's parallels, EVERYTHING!!!! of course, since it's 8:24 at the time of writing i don't have nearly enough time to go into everything that i'm thinking of.
a few more things——i finally figured out why the NES VST wasn't working!! unfortunately it's a 32-bit thing, so waveform can't load it since it's 64-bit. BUMMER!!! also i watched the new beetlejuice movie today. it was good, and i just ate my leftovers from the theatre :3 chicken and fries like i usually get!! honestly, i don't know what i was expecting going into it, but i think they did a good job with tying up the loose ends, even if it moved a little fast at times. obviously i'm not a movie critic but yeah, i think it was decent; 3.5 stars on imdb sounds fair to me. also, since celebrity news has recently become a little more interesting to me, i'm really glad that winona ryder and jenna ortega had fun together filming :D it's always nice when u can spend time with people you like!!!!! what else was i gonna say??? idk but it's 8:30 now so byebye whoever may be reading!!!!! or maybe it's just me idk loooolll ^__^
wait i'm stupid it's SATURDAY!!! i don't have to go just yet; not until 9. still not gonna talk about my ii thoughts tho lol. thinking of changing my discord status hmm...right now it's "itty bitty little hissy kitty committee" which i think is cute but i want to change it to express my Love for Semicolons. i love semicolons. literally one of the best parts of grammar and speech. i saw a tweet today that said something like "i have never used a semicolon with 100% certainty," and at first i agreed... but i have used one with certainty!!! it's simply just not a common thing to use when writing, but it can do wonders for your correct-ness!!!!!! and even if you do use it wrong, doing something wrong is the first step to doing something right!
yesterday i was going to start writing this blog/journal but then i forgot so i'm doing it today lol.
i'm having a bit of a weird day right now... i'm not upset or anything but i'm tired ...and experiencing The Curse (period). this morning was fine, but tbh there's a class i haven't been doing my work in and i feel kinda bad about it because i told my aunt that i would be trying in all of my classes so that i can get driver's ed or a job or something. so i can "prove that i'm responsible enough"
also in theatre class the teacher has us doing this thing called "chair duets" (look it up) but i'm very uncomfortable with being touched anywhere more than my shoulders and my hands by people i don't really know, so thankfully the teacher says that i don't have to do it because there's always a kid who isn't comfortable. but i'm the only one in the class who isn't comfortable with that so the teacher said that i have to come up with something that i can do alone. i think i'm just gonna do a research project but idk on what... maybe another playwright? we did those last year so it should be easy enough :p
anyway, like 2 days ago i was looking through onlinesequencer at the covers people have made of undertale yellow songs!! there's a lot of them; protocol, a mother's love, guns blazing, justice, etc. however i found one that was someone's interpretation of a chujin battle theme. unfortunately the person is definitely a beginner (i listened to it and thought it sounded awful but the description says that they were proud of it so...). well anyway i decided to try my own hand at making a battle theme, and it went through only one variation before i landed on something i thought sounded dramatic enough to be some fight music. of course, right after i stopped focusing on "what a chujin battle theme would sound like." so i guess it technically isn't supposed to be his theme, but if someone wanted it to be then i guess that's what it is?
i'm a little bit worried about that song though.. it's definitely inspired by battle themes from undertale/undertale yellow (protocol and a mother's love), and of course it isn't going to sound perfect right now considering i've just barely started on it and it's being made in online sequencer, but i don't feel like i know enough about music to actually finish it. i know music is a lot about repetition, but whenever i listen to instrumental music, especially OST music from games like undertale, deltarune, undertale yellow, and anything similar, i feel like there is a perfect balance between variation and repetition while still following a sort of structure... and my problem is that i can't find that balance. i don't know where to repeat, i don't know how to include a healthy amount of variation without it sounding too chaotic, and i am absolutely AWFUL at sticking with a structure. i think that last part is just it's own problem because i also fail to recognize a simple intro-verse-chorus structure in instrumental music. maybe it's cause i'm too busy vibing to it lolll >w<
but of course, don't get me wrong... i love music completely!!! listening to it, analyzing it (to the best of my ability), and making it are all things that i very much enjoy doing. but i have a sneaking suspicion this has more to do than just "oh i don't know music theory." honestly, i feel like my inability to get better at things i enjoy doing is because of my....mental disibilities and illnesses. a lot of things that i know i enjoy doing sometimes are just the worst things in the world and i would much rather just lie in bed than do Anything at all, and sometimes those things are just hard. like really hard to do. my brain gets so scattered because of sound; the noises from my computer, the noises of people around me, the noises from my own body, the noises from electrical appliances, etc, etc, etc.
anyway that's about it because i have a lab in chemistry to do!!!! it looks fun. byeee \ :3 /〃
created july 5th, 2024
© 2024 ashmellow78 or whatever
